


Not This Mind And Not This Heart

by wtfoctagon



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Gen, Spoilers, Time Travel Has Its Consequences, for act 2 and 3 like big time spoilers, takes place in act 3, uuuhh minor Jade/Serena i guess though it doesn't come through super clear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 02:15:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21153914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfoctagon/pseuds/wtfoctagon
Summary: Veronica keeps dreaming that she’s dead.Usually, in her dreams, she’s dead and waiting— behind her and Serena’s favourite tree in the grove, her form barely held together with the last vestiges of her dying willpower. While her body rots amongst the roots of the fallen World Tree, she holds the wisps of her soul together and waits— waits for her friends, for the Luminary, for Serena.





	Not This Mind And Not This Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Just a thought I had, seeing everyone have slight memories of act II after the rewind. Considering that Veronica left her powers for Serena to absorb, it's not totally implausible that Veronica would have minor flashes of being with Serena in a very incorporeal way, right? 
> 
> Title is from "After The Storm" by Mumford and Sons- I was going through my playlists to find an appropriate writing mood song when this verse jumped out at me as particularly appropriate:
> 
> "And I won't die alone  
And be left there  
Well I guess I'll just go home  
Oh God knows where  
Because death is just so full  
And man so small  
Well I'm scared of what's behind  
And what's before"

Veronica keeps dreaming that she’s dead.

Usually, in her dreams, she’s dead and waiting— behind her and Serena’s favourite tree in the grove, her form barely held together with the last vestiges of her dying willpower. While her body rots amongst the roots of the fallen World Tree, she holds the wisps of her soul together and waits— waits for her friends, for the Luminary, for _ Serena. _

A premonition, she thought. Maybe Father Benedictus was rubbing off on her, somehow— doesn’t matter how. If Calasmos has a real shot at— at bringing down Yggdrasil like that, of snuffing out her life like that, then she needs to be prepared. She tries to get Serena ready, watches for everyone’s backs and anyone who might be aiming for them, and has her panic attacks when no one’s watching. 

(In the dead of the night, Veronica cries in the storeroom of the Stallion. She doesn’t want to die. She’s only been alive just past two decades, she doesn’t want to go, not yet. There’s so many things she hasn’t done, so many things she has to wait to do over all over again because of that stupid accident—)

Months. Months she’s been having these dreams, and just when she’s about to convince herself— maybe, maybe it’s just a nightmare, maybe it’s just what she’s afraid of will happen, maybe it doesn’t mean anything— 

Months later, she dreams she’s Serena. She dreams that she’s still dead, probably, but she’s also Serena, and she’s _ angry— _ so angry she wants to burn the world alive, fury shooting from her fingertips as a monster screams and flails and _ dies— _

She’s angry and it feels _ so good. _ She feels _ powerful, _snuffing out a monster like that, feeling the fire crackle at her palms, feeling the pain and knowing it’s only a miniscule fraction of what she can do—

“Serena!”

She could scorch the entirety of Erdrea over if she wanted to. She has all the pieces of Serenica, now, her grief and her fury— if she only wanted to, she could get revenge for every single thing that’s been taken from her. A mad joy roars in her chest, running wild— 

“Serena! Stop!”

She clenches the flames into her fist, hot insults burning the tip of her tongue— but then she sees, in front of her, where there was grass—

Scorched earth. Nothing left, just ash. Just like the craters of sickness and death that cover the world. 

A sudden grief surges through Serena and pulls her away— at a distance, she watches as a stranger with her sister’s face falls to her knees. It’s not Serena— is it? Her hair is too short, her clothes are too ragged, her nails too dirty— her hapless, fussy sister wouldn’t tolerate any of that—

“Serena…” Jade— no, another rougher, worn version of a friend— steps towards the trembling girl, slowly lowers herself on her knees as well. “Are you alright?”

She’s not alright, not by a long shot— she's shaking, ash on her face, angry red burns on her hands— 

“I’m alright.” Serena looks up at Jade. “I— I’ve frightened you, haven’t I? I’m sorry.”

The guilt rushes in through her mouth and nose, filling her lungs— she’s drowning, drowning, her own thoughts muffled in the depths of the sadness—

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Jade murmurs, tender, as she wraps an arm around Serena’s back and pulls her close. “I just…” She carefully reaches out with her other hand to hold onto Serena’s wrist, examining the burns. “Wish you’d be more careful.”

“I know.” Serena coughs, her voice wet and clogged. “I’m sorry, I just… sometimes, when I’m using her magic, I can…” She tries to take a deep breath. “I can almost feel her here with me. For a moment, I’m so _ sure _she’s with me, I…” 

The sorrow envelops her, drowns her, overflows from her eyes and drops clumsily onto her raw hands— waves of it crash inside her chest and shakes her frame, even as Jade wraps both her arms around her and crushes her to her chest, kissing the top of her too-short hair—

She wants to cry out. She’s here— she’s here— she’s not going anywhere— she reaches out, trying to grasp onto Serena, only to be swept away by desolation, farther and farther until—

She wakes up to Serena lying next to her, huddled close into her side. Her chest rises and falls with slow breaths, even and unhampered— her hair is splayed across her pillow, her hands clean and unblemished, her eyes closed and she’s just…

Just sleeping. Veronica wipes her eyes dry. 

* * *

(The next morning, Veronica marches up to the Luminary before anyone else has a chance to wake up and drags him out to the far corner of camp. The pieces are falling together, finally: the stupid arse has been acting shifty and weird ever since the first time they took him to Arboria. It's time she got an answer out of him.

“I died, didn’t I?”

He looks down at his hands morosely. Veronica scoffs as she sits down.

“You’re going to tell me everything. Now.”)

**Author's Note:**

> Also, hey? What's up with Michelle still being alive no matter what you chose originally in act II. Gave me a fright, it did.


End file.
